It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to losen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I had a course in first aid." The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to that part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
A man goes into the hospital for some tests. The medical staff knock him out, and when he comes around there is a doctor peering over him, you know pulling up the eyelid and wielding the reflex hammer. The doctor says, "Ah, I'm glad you're awake. I'm afraid I have some mixed news." The man says "Don't hold back Doc, tell me the bad news." The doctor says "It was worse than we thought; we had to amputate your left leg." The man then asks "What is the good news then?" The doctor replies, "The man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers."
A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked. "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "yes, of course, said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh How nice it would be," said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies. "You're not eating properly."