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College Jokes
College
Meanings
1.In
an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of tension and the beginning
of a relationship. In college, it means somebody's wild.
2.
In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true love, in
college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
3. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and kisses you
goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no such thing as a
dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most guys want a hell of
lot more that a kiss goodnight.
4 In an imaginary world, sleepovers are sleepovers. Just that. In college
it's a bunkfest or pretty close to it.
5 In an imaginary world even gorgeous guys are nice. In college, cute
guys are donkeys, unattractive men are desparate, and nice guys finish
last.
6 In an imaginary world, men have only one girl, chickie, babe, woman.
In college, you ARE the only one, except for, Jodi, Jean, Alisha, Sara,
Laura, Liz, Christy, Carrie, Jen, Mary, Katie, Jocelyn, Lynda, Alyssa,
Jessica, Cory, Rachel, Heather.
Changed
After College Life
1.You're
waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.
2.The
four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal.
3.It's
'getting late' when it's 9:30 p.m.
4.THEN,
discussing with your friends: GPA's, spring break plans, and tonsil hockey;
NOW: mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.
5.Naps
are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m. Golf is beginning to seem
a lot less silly.
6.Random
hook-ups are no longer socially acceptable.
7.You
wear more ties in a week than you even owned while in college.
8.You
actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
9.Grocery
lists actually contain relatively healthy food.
10.Over
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not
video games.
Computer Man Or Women
The
group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the
masculine gender because:
- In order
to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
- They
have a lot of data but are still clueless.
- They
are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are
the problem.
- As soon
as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer
you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand concluded that computers should be referred
to in the feminine gender because:
- No one
including the Creator understands their internal logic.
- The native
language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible
to everyone else.
- Even
your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
- As soon
as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your
paycheck on accessories for it.
Greet
your Professor
- Contradict
everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific proof.
- If
it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.
- Buy
a doll. When you go to class, leave the doll in your chair, along with
your notebook and pen.
- Say
that you have an important meeting to go to, and that the doll will
be taking notes for you.
- Bring
a typewriter. Use it to take notes.
- Write
a love note. Sign it 'a secret admirer'.Get someone to pass it to the
professor.
- Bring
a can of spray paint. Use it to take notes on the classroom wall.
- Bring
a fishing rod. Try to catch things on the professor's desk.
- Switch
the professor's lecture notes with your history notes from last term.
- Bring
an easel and a paint set. Paint a portrait of the professor during the
lecture.
- Say
that it is a homework assignment for art class.
- When
the professor comes in, say, very loudly, 'Hey! A substitute! All right!'
Claim that the real professor said you could have lecture outside.
- Come
to class wearing the same outfit as the professor. Call the professor
a copycat.
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