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College Meanings

1.In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody's wild.
2. In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true love, in college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
3. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and kisses you goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no such thing as a dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most guys want a hell of lot more that a kiss goodnight.
4 In an imaginary world, sleepovers are sleepovers. Just that. In college it's a bunkfest or pretty close to it.
5 In an imaginary world even gorgeous guys are nice. In college, cute guys are donkeys, unattractive men are desparate, and nice guys finish last.
6 In an imaginary world, men have only one girl, chickie, babe, woman. In college, you ARE the only one, except for, Jodi, Jean, Alisha, Sara, Laura, Liz, Christy, Carrie, Jen, Mary, Katie, Jocelyn, Lynda, Alyssa, Jessica, Cory, Rachel, Heather.

Changed After College Life

1.You're waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.

2.The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal.

3.It's 'getting late' when it's 9:30 p.m.

4.THEN, discussing with your friends: GPA's, spring break plans, and tonsil hockey; NOW: mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.

5.Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m. Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

6.Random hook-ups are no longer socially acceptable.

7.You wear more ties in a week than you even owned while in college.

8.You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

9.Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

10.Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.

Computer Man Or Women

The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

  1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
  2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

  1. No one including the Creator understands their internal logic.
  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
  3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
  4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Greet your Professor

  1. Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific proof.
  2. If it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.
  3. Buy a doll. When you go to class, leave the doll in your chair, along with your notebook and pen.
  4. Say that you have an important meeting to go to, and that the doll will be taking notes for you.
  5. Bring a typewriter. Use it to take notes.
  6. Write a love note. Sign it 'a secret admirer'.Get someone to pass it to the professor.
  7. Bring a can of spray paint. Use it to take notes on the classroom wall.
  8. Bring a fishing rod. Try to catch things on the professor's desk.
  9. Switch the professor's lecture notes with your history notes from last term.
  10. Bring an easel and a paint set. Paint a portrait of the professor during the lecture.
  11. Say that it is a homework assignment for art class.
  12. When the professor comes in, say, very loudly, 'Hey! A substitute! All right!' Claim that the real professor said you could have lecture outside.
  13. Come to class wearing the same outfit as the professor. Call the professor a copycat.

 

 

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