Some of the most tactful people on Earth
are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the
bad news that she was being fired.
He started the conversation with: "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how
we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to
The workers talk about football in the
The officers talk about cricket in the afternoon,
The managers talk about billiards in the afternoon,
and the directors talk about golf in the afternoon,
that means and proves that higher you go smaller your balls are!!
10 commandments for 'working hard':
1. Never walk without a document in your hands:
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look
like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their
hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you
carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false
impression that you work longer hours than you do;
2. Use computers to look busy:
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast
without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the
societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would
like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your
boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're
teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training
3. Messy desk:
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it
looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as
today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you
know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need
halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives;
4. Voice Mail:
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just
because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because
they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your
calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you
and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know
they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious
even though you're being a devious weasel;
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed:
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient
and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late:
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss'
room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g.
9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays;
7. Creative Sighing for Effect:
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that
you are under extreme pressure;
8. Stacking Strategy:
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books
on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best);
9. Build Vocabulary:
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound
10. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!